A letter to the local airport authorities

To Whom It May Concern,

I don't ask for much when I travel.  Relatively short lines.  Friendly staff.  A short, minimally-intrusive pat down by a marginally attractive security guard.  The basics.  I enjoy your food courts, with their overpriced beverages that I can't bring into the airport but somehow can bring onto the plane and deliciously fattening McDonald's breakfasts that leave me queasy on the plane.  I take time to ponder who would be buying a Samsonite suitcase after they have entered the airport and checked their baggage.  And I am a big fan of the new Express Spas. Thank you for that.  

However, I do have one request.  I really must insist on universal free wifi.  I mean, really.  I'm not sure if you've noticed while testing out the new puffer machines in the security lines, but it's 2009.  Everyone has laptops.  You know, those things we have to take out of our bags so the x-ray machines can do their best to erase our motherboards?  Well, everyone has one.  You know what we could use them for?  Free wifi. 

And I know you're working hard to ensure that we have plenty of time to admire the new decor that every airport has been working on for the last 20 years by delaying our flights.  Our artistic sides thank you for that.  You know what would make it better? Free wifi.  

Surely you've noticed, while walking through the terminals on the way to your private jets for your tee time in Cabo with the CEO of Morgan Stanley, that the 50's are over.  TWA no longer exists.  Howard Hughes isn't perfect an aerodynamic wonder and beautiful stewardesses in perfect teal uniforms aren't pouring out our drinks (that we now have to pay for) or serving the food (that is no longer offered) with a smile.  Things have changed.  Stewardesses don't smile.  There are buses nicer than most planes.  And you know what those buses have?  Free wifi.

I am attaching a list below.  This is a list of airports with free wifi.  If you are on it, thank you.  I will always try to schedule my flights to land in your technologically advanced halls, and I'll even be sure to buy a little snacklet to fortify myself for the two train rides and three mile walk to my next gate.

If you are not on the list, straighten up and, well, fly right.  Get rid of Boingo and T-Mobile hot spots.  Nobody wants to pay for that.  Free wifi won't cost you much, and what you'll get in customer appreciation will more than make up for it.  Oh wait, you run the airports.  You don't care about customer appreciation.  Well... people will buy more things.  Far more.  And they'll fly in your airport.  And they won't riot. 

Join the revolution.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  Refresh everything.  

Give us free.  Free wifi, that is.

Sincerely, your frequent customer,

kat

Airports with free wifi 

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